Last time, I talked about the fact that relationships that rely too much on technique are not good because they make you less confident. (How to compliment people-1-About techniques)This time, I would like to write a concrete example of “how to praise someone and make that person confident” without losing confidence.
Each person receives information differently, but it can be roughly divided into three types. Visual, auditory, and physical sensations (five senses). Each has its own characteristics
Hearing — listening and reading
Bodily sensations — emotions
First, find out what type of person the other person is, and then adjust to that type of person. You will be told, “That’s a technique.” That’s right. First of all, from the technique, find a starting point for the other party.
Matching to the other person is, for example, hearing. It’s the speed of speaking. For those who speak flat speak flat, and those who speak brightly speak in a bright tone. It’s a comfortable pitch that I wrote in “Music Story” before. If you speak brightly to a person who speaks flatly, the vibrations with the other person will be too different and it will be difficult for you to communicate with each other. It feels like a dissonance.
An example from the visual sense of matching the other person is to imitate the other person’s gestures. This is called mirroring, and if the other person has a pen, you will try it, and if the other person combines hands, you will try it yourself. However, the thing to note here is that the other party does not notice. When the other person notices, “What this person has been imitating me for a few minutes and I feel uncomfortable!” If that happens, the way to get along may be far away. It’s a good idea to practice little by little so that you can imitate it very naturally.
The third is about matching the senses, but this matches the mood of the other person. To match the mood is, for example, if the other person makes a mistake. You want to get angry out loud right away, but be patient and adapt to the person’s feelings. If the person is depressed, call out according to the height of the depression. If you divide your feelings into five stages in an easy-to-understand manner, you can guess what stage the person is in, assuming that anger is 5, normal is 3, and sadness is 1.
When complimenting the other person, infer the feelings to the person and adjust the pitch of the voice. It seems that it is easy to communicate straight if you speak in your own words while creating a state of resonance with the other party. The worst thing is to lie.
If you say, “That bag is nice,” but you’re not really interested in the bag, the other person will definitely find that you aren’t interested in the bag.
To prevent that, let’s observe the other person first. If you’re not interested in bags, you don’t have to bother with it. Observing the other person, he has a good style, why? You thought that the clothes look good, the accessories also match the clothes, and this person is fashionable. When you say, “You are fashionable,” it will reach the person straight without telling a lie. And the person may shine his eyes, thinking, “This person understands!”.
In this way, to give the other person confidence by complimenting is to praise the person’s good points without telling a lie.
In a slightly unexpected place, there are times when the other person praises something that he or she is not good at.
What I mean is that when You see someone who is not good at speaking in public, trying hard to speak, you say, “You were good at speaking in public.” “I may be nervous and unable to make a voice,” or “I may be too quick to convey anything.” It leads to praise for the efforts and existence of the other party.
Of course, don’t lie. Compliment the good points of the other person that you really thought. To do this, first observe the other person and speak at the same wavelength.
As I wrote earlier, the most important thing to keep in mind is to make this technique unnoticed by the other party. When the other person notices, he or she will think, “What is this person! This person has been imitating me ever since who met me, and it feels really bad!”
Let’s practice little by little on a daily basis. I will do my best too.
